I think I’ve gotten closer to Harper this week. I’m Harper by the way. In Millennium Approaches. The whole acting process is inevitably that: a loooong process that I have slowly discovered. Poor preliminary interpretation of words, then some impulse and forced physical reaction, then dangerous intellectualizing of the character, then true understanding of dialogue, then connection to body and mind, and NOW: tweaking, enriching, enjoying. Tactics in tone and Laban movement have been mapped onto the script, elements embodied, but finally, emotion and real understanding has been reached.
I feel like I know what Harper wants; she desperately and pitifully wants what most human beings seek: love and genuine life. Love that desires passionately and life that does not pretend to be what it is not. Life that risks and love that doesn’t lie. Not settling to settle down, not a fake calm, but a fiery, moving, shifting existence that burns away pretense and heats up spirited truth. Life that does not act on expectation but on the basis of desire and devotion and improvement. It’s a challenge playing Harper because of the opposing forces of longing hope and instant fear that blaze within her, but she faces the challenge of the living: doubt and revelation.
I enjoy her scenes, I enjoy her moments, especially her gloriously sensible hallucinations, and I’m starting to enjoy her hardships and strength in attacking her obstacles. Mostly, I love her.